Dangerous Virus

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).

The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it. The next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

If you do not believe this you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. This virus is DEADLY!

Update 06-11-2009

After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

Blogger Bulltish

Many people blog, they blog from the inane, to politics to what the outcome of the next sporting event will be. Different horses for different courses. Everybody seeks out that which will interest them.

Often comment is invited, often comments are left.

I’ve been blogging for a tiny weeny little while now and of course I seek out those with similar interests or topics that may interest me, be it local things like foxes on the London Tube to emergency services or even home cooking. Yeah my tastes can be a little extreme!

I’ve noticed more and more, with the blogs that I follow and take an interest in, that many comments made by the viewing public are not published. A select few from friends seem to get up and published – but complete ‘strangers’ uh uh, no siree bob – your comments ain’t wanted here.

Twice in the last week – this has occurred to me.

The comments weren’t offensive, they were on topic, yes I can wander a bit, but mostly not.

Have you experienced this?

Please don’t name the blogs concerned, this isn’t a show and tell – just a general discussion on what you may have experienced when posting comments on blogs.

Thanks!

How to stop drink drivers

Courtesy of Ms18 who has acquired P plates and can’t understand why people are so stupid and insist on consuming alcohol and then drink driving, without a thought for other road users.

Her idea is civilian manned booze buses with 1 or 2 sworn in officers – running 24/7, in shifts of 6 hours. Switching locations every 6 hours (at change of shift) Perhaps 10 vehicles – working 7 days a week and being on the roads constantly.

This would create more employment for civilians AND reduce the manpower required by the police force to maintain the drink/driving campaign presence on the roads.

This could be backed up with uniformed officers, running drug and road worthy checks, along with the camera operated licence plate checks, which new technology allows for.

This would:-
1. Reduce the number of drink drivers
2. Reduce the number of police required to man such operations
3. Increase civilian employment
4. Reduce the number of drug affected drivers
5. Reduce the number of unlicenced drivers on the roads
6. Reduce the number of unregistered vehicles on the road
7. Reduce the number of unroadworthy vehicles on the roads

I can’t see anything against it – The only thing missing is someone taking the bull by the horns and actually implementing it.

Your thoughts and ideas?

I think it is a BRILLIANT idea and coming from an 18yo, makes it even shinier, brighter and smarter than any idea your average politician could think up.

How to destroy a business in 6 easy steps

A business in town changed hands some 18 months ago. The previous business owners model was good. The customer service was excellent, the service with a smile type model. A successful business with a captive market, no family restaurants for 20km.

The business was sold, the owners wanted to take up other opportunities that had crossed their path. With a captive market, the business should be an automatic success. You would think so wouldn’t you?

Let me relate this story and then the problem with assuming that your customers are all idiots and you are the only person who is right.

I walk in the door, wait at the order counter for 10 minutes. Directly in front of me, no more that 2 meters away is the owner, busy making pizzas, but too busy to look up and say “I’ll be with you in a moment”. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, 10 minutes later I turn to leave. Noting in that time that he has abused a employee, black-banned a table for complaining too much. Failed to acknowledge a customer. Make that the first list of sins.

He calls out to me as I am leaving. I suppose I could continue walking but I decide to tell him, what I think. I state “Look, the last time I ate at the restaurant, it took me an hour to get my meals, now you keep me waiting for 10 minutes just to place an order for a pizza, no wonder your business is losing customers.”

With no apology, no acknowledgement that the error was his and with my rant over, I place my order, with the knowledge that already he has lost a customer. I sit down and watch.

So let’s recap...........
1. Can’t/won’t acknowledge new customer
2. Abusive towards employees
3. Rude to customers, who are already at his mercy, waiting for meals

They are the current sins that have been committed.

I look around, everywhere I look I see badly spelt word composed signs, that yell special, special, noting the prices and a considerable discount. This is often another warning sign that things aren’t going well.

I see staff wandering around, from dining room to kitchen, with nothing in their hands, either on the way there OR on the way back. Shows poor time management. Perhaps he needs to look at the quality of the staff.

Waiting, for 35 minutes to actually get what I order. In the mean time, I have plenty of time to speak to people outside having a fag, turns out that the restaurant had received unexpected walk-ins and didn’t have the staff to cope, which made me even more surprised after seeing the staff walking around effectively doing nothing.

There was a wait of approx 1hr in the restaurant to get your meals from what I was being told. The owner is running around, worse than a chook without a head, being rude, aggressive and generally not being anything like what is needed to work with the public.

I received my ordered food, and then went to pay, the person behind the till then started asking staff for change, when right in front of her was the tips jar, which had the required amount, it was just a matter of switching the bills around, satisfying the change requirement, but no, it must have been too hard. Then to add insult to injury I was shorted $0.10, big deal you say, well I had intended to leave a tip for the staff, but since I didn’t receive the change, I couldn’t could I?

So with my evaluation done, I shall never darken their doors again – in case I get black-banned for asking for the parmesan cheese, and Peter who ALWAYS has a smile on his face and a nice word. You shall get ALL our business from now on, simply because you are polite and never fail to smile.

So how do you ruin a business in 6 steps?
1. Can’t/won’t acknowledge new customers
2. Abusive towards employees
3. Rude towards customers, who are already at his mercy, waiting for meals
4. Advertising signs with spelling errors
5. Staff levels and attitudes not being what is needed
6. Not serving the meals in the dining area promptly.

Without customers, a business will fail, with rude management/owners a business will fail. Without quality staff a business will hurt.

Bad service, in small town, the word doesn’t take long to spread – and is very hard to recover from.

20 years in a small town does not qualify you to be a local and the locals can make you or break you!

Six Affairs to Remember

The First Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell sleep, awakening around 8:00 PM.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

****
The Second Affair:

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try to have a son. A month of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" He gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"

****

The Third Affair:

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

****

The Fourth Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

****


The Fifth Affair:

A man walks into a night club one night.. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"

"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the man.

"4 cents," the bartender replied.

"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

****

The Sixth Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent.. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "relax, let the poison work."

Goanna on the road

Sounds like science fiction. Well it wasn’t! – Driving on a dirt track – coming around a corner, there sits a 1.5m goanna, happily sunbaking himself on the shoulder of the road. From the drivers point of view – he looks like a crow that has met an untimely end. That was until he scrabbles for the embankment and the driver emits a squeal!



Said Goanna heads for a nearby tree, camera phones at the ready.

Photos acquired, he is left in peace, was excellent to actually see a goanna in an area that is not that remote. It’s good to be able to see wildlife, still surviving amongst the human population.

I know they are good swimmers and they are partial to hen eggs. So keep the hens locked up and good luck. I wouldn’t like to meet him travelling at 100kph, he was lucky, the road only allowed for about 40kpm.

Please do NOT copy any of the photos on this blog - if you would like to use any photos, please leave a comment with contact details, Photos will be supplied without watermark and at full size. All comments are moderated and won't be shown to the public. Thank-you

Please note that no photo has been photoshopped on this blog, cropped yes, photoshopped NO!

Enjoy all of natures beauty!

Please visit Redbubble, perhaps there is something there you would like to purchase. Refer the photos below!

Living in the Country with Kangaroos

Living in the country has it's own hazards - we live a peaceful life, amongst the gum trees, a wonderful clear view of the 'burbs and the wildlife.

Heaven on earth one would say - until you have to deal with the Kangaroos. I know international tourists think they are cuddly and cute and that they can do no wrong.

I wish people would know the whole story before commenting. Roos from a distance 50m - are fine, but any closer than that and you could be harmed, possibly killed.

Some of these kangaroos can stand 8 foot tall in the old scale and the old males, who have been kicked out of the pack, will not stand down. They will stand their ground. Some nights we are unable to move about the property (within 5m of the front doorstep) because the big males are refusing to move, even when a piece of firewood is lobbed at them.

Last week - we received news of another dog being gutted and drowned by a roo in one of the local dams. This is the 4th instance that I know about in the last 12 months and the number of near fatalities are almost too numerous to be able to count. We aren't talking small dogs. We are talking Golden retrievers, Rhodesian Ridge Backs and the like.

They have blinded men and almost gutted several people in similar circumstances to us. They are dangerous and will not back off if approached.

So next time you see a Kangaroo, keep your distance and if you hear sounds like an old man clearing his throat, move away and put something solid between you and that Roo.

Please do NOT copy any of the photos on this blog - if you would like to use any photos, please leave a comment with contact details, Photos will be supplied without watermark and at full size. All comments are moderated and won't be shown to the public. Thank-you

Please note that no photo has been photoshopped on this blog, cropped yes, photoshopped NO!

Enjoy all of natures beauty!

Please visit Redbubble, perhaps there is something there you would like to purchase. Refer the photos below!