In Memory of Joan Gillespie 1937-13th July 2012

Today I learnt that a dear friend had passed away. Nothing is as final death. Not illness, not sickness, NOTHING.

I've known Joan since 2002, May actually. I was working at the Austin Hospital at the time.

We seemed to hit it off straight away, age made no difference, nor the fact that she was wheelchair bound and using a respirator to survive. See Joan was a polio sufferer, yet suffer she did not.

She helped everyone, she had a smile for everyone. She was a beautiful person.

She always put everyone else's needs above her own. In fact when I saw her on Thursday, whilst she was an in-patient, she was more concerned with getting out and about again, than worrying about her health. She was worried people were missing her already (She'd been in hospital one week)

She would do the shopping for many patients, buying Tattslotto tickets and generally just being useful for those that couldn't get out. Being wheelchair bound made no difference to her.

Her lovely husband John, made much of this possible, John was Joan's right hand man, literally.

Joan (and John) would regularly present a Sunday session on Inner FM, Melbourne 96.5FM Much of the music was requested by Joan and Johns' friends.

Some of Joans' Milestones

1937 - Contracted polio and lived in an Iron Lung for the next 30 years

1967 - (approx) released from the confines of the Iron Lung

1980 - (approx) Met John, her partner

1990 - debut on radio

2011 - Victorian Senior of the Year Awards - Veteran Community Award

 Joan was an avid listener to 3AW Melbourne radio, as well as a prolific poem writer, which were often broadcast on 3AW radio.

I have previously written about Joan (and Charlie) here My Hero

Joan loved the work she did, it may have been voluntary, but to Joan it was work and very rewarding from what she always told me.

Joan, you will live in my memory forever. I looked up at you. My problems seemed like baby goldfish. Yours were the sharks of the world.

Thank-you for being my friend.

Thinking of you John at your great time of loss.

Where are all the Nanna’s and Grandpas?

Hubby and I were talking last night. A topic came up that made me realize that perhaps some of the current problems with our youth and in the family unit tied back to the age of the parents and grandparents and thus the passing on of these generations before the children are born.

Let's look at some numbers:-


Once upon a time it was extremely common for nanna, grandpa, mum and dad and children to all live nearby even under the same roof and sometimes even great nan and gramps. Which is four generations of family close by and three different generations to help with the upbringing of the next generation.

Now more often than not, there are no great nans and gramps and even nanna and grandpa have passed away. Leaving only the two of you and any off-spring. Which in turn leaves no-one to assist with discipline.

Is the increasing age of parents and marriage causing all the problems we are having with our youth currently??

Is the need to have everything and be ‘me’ before marriage killing our children and possibly the human race?

Uh Oh – Who stays home?

A modern day dilemma – little Johnny or Jill is sick and can’t attend school/crèche/kinder – who will stay home and look after them?

This is a problem that arises once the family is created. In days gone past, it was the woman, even today it is most often the woman. It is the woman who forgoes the sick leave/personal leave the annual leave to look after sick children, whilst the male partner goes to work with little concern for anything other than themselves.

Alright, the men turn around and say that Jennifer gets the day off, to bum around home and who cares, the boss won’t miss them.

Not only do men have deadlines to be met and completed, women do also. This means that a woman is often behind the 8-ball when it comes to work. If little Johnny/Jill is sick for more than one day – how many times do the male partners put their hands up and offer to stay home for the second day? Very very few.

I am not being discriminatory, this is truth.

In today’s society where women are often expected to be as good as the male species. Then why don’t the male of the species do the things that many women do with 1 hand tied behind their backs?

How many men out there know how to use the washing machine, know what temperature woollens have to be washed at. Know where the Medicare card is for visits to the doctors, let alone finding the doctors’ number to make an appointment. Once again very few.

This is not an urban myth – it takes a special kind of man to be able to do this and there are very few who can run a home AND work AND everything else associated with modern day life.

Just remember next time that your wife, your childrens' mother, says she has a headache, maybe she does and it’s time for you to pick up the slack.

Go home and remember – home is where there should be shared responsibilities and that sports day doesn’t mean a day at the golf club/pub for the men ;)

Kids and Life

Yes I am qualified to blog about this topic – I have two wonderful children and have had many pass through my front door in their times of need. (I am not a foster parent), but when a child needs somewhere to retreat from the world for 2-3 days – they seem to find my place and my children!

Anyway, back on topic. In the almost 18 years that I have been a parent to my own children and the various strays that I have picked up. There has been a common thread in all the problems. That problem is a dysfunctional family unit. It is common for people to blame the dysfunctional family unit on divorce. This is not always the case. There are often other factors causing the problems that I see.

Case 1 – A grandparent of a child approaches me at day care and aks if I wouldn’t mind picking up grandchild because she is unable to make it there before closing. NO problems, I am not going to leave the child because the parent/grandparent/carer is busy. This child becomes one of the family and often would inadvertently refer to either myself or my husband as mum or dad.

It turns out that the grandmother was not in a happy relationship with her partner, instead of addressing this issue and moving on, she persists and had many boyfriends, whilst her daughter is growing up. The daughter in turn can’t resolve personal problems/issues and turns to drugs to cope. When it was requested that we care for this child, the natural mother AND father were both in jail for drug offences.

Moving forward some years, the grandmother, who was once the main carer of the grandchild has dumped the child, the natural mother is once again in jail after having a further 3 children to different fathers. The child is now residing with the stepmother and natural father, the alternate was state care. We still see this child after 15 years of being involved as her carer. I only hope that one day if something goes bad, she remembers her ‘other family’ in her time of need.

Case 2 – Once again a grandparent approaches me from my street and acknowledges that both the children are of the same age and perhaps they would like to become playmates. I have no objections, the grandparents concerned are wonderful giving people, who would give the shirt off their own back if they had. Once again this child integrates into our family unit and would spend every weekend and school holidays at our place.

One more mouth, one more child is not an issue for us.

It turns out that the natural mother in her teenage/young adult years smoked marijuana. Which everyone claims is safe. Unfortunately I don’t believe this is the case, as the mother now has psychotic episodes that affect her ability to care for her child and subsequent children.

Moving forward, the child concerned was labeled a ‘problem child’ because the mother insisted she was, is now often so high on legal drugs that she is unable to communicate effectively and because of issues at home can no longer look a person in the face.

It is sad to see a child so down trodden and unhappy. She still comes to our place, but would rather sit secluded in the bedroom away from daily family life as she finds it too hard to deal with normal family issues. I have trouble seeing what future lays ahead for this child.

In case 1 – I believe that due to the nurturing of the stepmother, she will be fine and should be able to get ahead in life as long as she stays away from other dysfunctional children and families.

In case 2 – It makes me cry - because I saw the child that was, and I see the child that is. I believe that in this instance, care should have been granted to the grandparents as was requested, but denied. The reason for the defense? Because the mother needed the family payments to survive. Yet to gain custody from the natural father – she claimed that she was staying with the grandparents, which she moved out as soon as custody was awarded.

My two children in seeing these children are very aware of how lucky they are, very aware that they have it pretty good, very aware that we are strict but at the same time reasonable. There have been other cases, but these are the two that we as a family have been involved in the longest. I would like to believe that both my children are well adjusted and know right from wrong. Only time will tell.