Saturday, January 30, 2010

Dangerous Virus

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).

The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it. The next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

If you do not believe this you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. This virus is DEADLY!

Update 06-11-2009

After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Blogger Bulltish

Many people blog, they blog from the inane, to politics to what the outcome of the next sporting event will be. Different horses for different courses. Everybody seeks out that which will interest them.

Often comment is invited, often comments are left.

I’ve been blogging for a tiny weeny little while now and of course I seek out those with similar interests or topics that may interest me, be it local things like foxes on the London Tube to emergency services or even home cooking. Yeah my tastes can be a little extreme!

I’ve noticed more and more, with the blogs that I follow and take an interest in, that many comments made by the viewing public are not published. A select few from friends seem to get up and published – but complete ‘strangers’ uh uh, no siree bob – your comments ain’t wanted here.

Twice in the last week – this has occurred to me.

The comments weren’t offensive, they were on topic, yes I can wander a bit, but mostly not.

Have you experienced this?

Please don’t name the blogs concerned, this isn’t a show and tell – just a general discussion on what you may have experienced when posting comments on blogs.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How to stop drink drivers

Courtesy of Ms18 who has acquired P plates and can’t understand why people are so stupid and insist on consuming alcohol and then drink driving, without a thought for other road users.

Her idea is civilian manned booze buses with 1 or 2 sworn in officers – running 24/7, in shifts of 6 hours. Switching locations every 6 hours (at change of shift) Perhaps 10 vehicles – working 7 days a week and being on the roads constantly.

This would create more employment for civilians AND reduce the manpower required by the police force to maintain the drink/driving campaign presence on the roads.

This could be backed up with uniformed officers, running drug and road worthy checks, along with the camera operated licence plate checks, which new technology allows for.

This would:-
1. Reduce the number of drink drivers
2. Reduce the number of police required to man such operations
3. Increase civilian employment
4. Reduce the number of drug affected drivers
5. Reduce the number of unlicenced drivers on the roads
6. Reduce the number of unregistered vehicles on the road
7. Reduce the number of unroadworthy vehicles on the roads

I can’t see anything against it – The only thing missing is someone taking the bull by the horns and actually implementing it.

Your thoughts and ideas?

I think it is a BRILLIANT idea and coming from an 18yo, makes it even shinier, brighter and smarter than any idea your average politician could think up.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How to destroy a business in 6 easy steps

A business in town changed hands some 18 months ago. The previous business owners model was good. The customer service was excellent, the service with a smile type model. A successful business with a captive market, no family restaurants for 20km.

The business was sold, the owners wanted to take up other opportunities that had crossed their path. With a captive market, the business should be an automatic success. You would think so wouldn’t you?

Let me relate this story and then the problem with assuming that your customers are all idiots and you are the only person who is right.

I walk in the door, wait at the order counter for 10 minutes. Directly in front of me, no more that 2 meters away is the owner, busy making pizzas, but too busy to look up and say “I’ll be with you in a moment”. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, 10 minutes later I turn to leave. Noting in that time that he has abused a employee, black-banned a table for complaining too much. Failed to acknowledge a customer. Make that the first list of sins.

He calls out to me as I am leaving. I suppose I could continue walking but I decide to tell him, what I think. I state “Look, the last time I ate at the restaurant, it took me an hour to get my meals, now you keep me waiting for 10 minutes just to place an order for a pizza, no wonder your business is losing customers.”

With no apology, no acknowledgement that the error was his and with my rant over, I place my order, with the knowledge that already he has lost a customer. I sit down and watch.

So let’s recap...........
1. Can’t/won’t acknowledge new customer
2. Abusive towards employees
3. Rude to customers, who are already at his mercy, waiting for meals

They are the current sins that have been committed.

I look around, everywhere I look I see badly spelt word composed signs, that yell special, special, noting the prices and a considerable discount. This is often another warning sign that things aren’t going well.

I see staff wandering around, from dining room to kitchen, with nothing in their hands, either on the way there OR on the way back. Shows poor time management. Perhaps he needs to look at the quality of the staff.

Waiting, for 35 minutes to actually get what I order. In the mean time, I have plenty of time to speak to people outside having a fag, turns out that the restaurant had received unexpected walk-ins and didn’t have the staff to cope, which made me even more surprised after seeing the staff walking around effectively doing nothing.

There was a wait of approx 1hr in the restaurant to get your meals from what I was being told. The owner is running around, worse than a chook without a head, being rude, aggressive and generally not being anything like what is needed to work with the public.

I received my ordered food, and then went to pay, the person behind the till then started asking staff for change, when right in front of her was the tips jar, which had the required amount, it was just a matter of switching the bills around, satisfying the change requirement, but no, it must have been too hard. Then to add insult to injury I was shorted $0.10, big deal you say, well I had intended to leave a tip for the staff, but since I didn’t receive the change, I couldn’t could I?

So with my evaluation done, I shall never darken their doors again – in case I get black-banned for asking for the parmesan cheese, and Peter who ALWAYS has a smile on his face and a nice word. You shall get ALL our business from now on, simply because you are polite and never fail to smile.

So how do you ruin a business in 6 steps?
1. Can’t/won’t acknowledge new customers
2. Abusive towards employees
3. Rude towards customers, who are already at his mercy, waiting for meals
4. Advertising signs with spelling errors
5. Staff levels and attitudes not being what is needed
6. Not serving the meals in the dining area promptly.

Without customers, a business will fail, with rude management/owners a business will fail. Without quality staff a business will hurt.

Bad service, in small town, the word doesn’t take long to spread – and is very hard to recover from.

20 years in a small town does not qualify you to be a local and the locals can make you or break you!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Six Affairs to Remember

The First Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell sleep, awakening around 8:00 PM.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

The Second Affair:

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try to have a son. A month of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" He gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"


The Third Affair:

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"


The Fourth Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."


The Fifth Affair:

A man walks into a night club one night.. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"

"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the man.

"4 cents," the bartender replied.

"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."


The Sixth Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent.. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "relax, let the poison work."

Friday, January 22, 2010

Goanna on the road

Sounds like science fiction. Well it wasn’t! – Driving on a dirt track – coming around a corner, there sits a 1.5m goanna, happily sunbaking himself on the shoulder of the road. From the drivers point of view – he looks like a crow that has met an untimely end. That was until he scrabbles for the embankment and the driver emits a squeal!

Said Goanna heads for a nearby tree, camera phones at the ready.

Photos acquired, he is left in peace, was excellent to actually see a goanna in an area that is not that remote. It’s good to be able to see wildlife, still surviving amongst the human population.

I know they are good swimmers and they are partial to hen eggs. So keep the hens locked up and good luck. I wouldn’t like to meet him travelling at 100kph, he was lucky, the road only allowed for about 40kpm.
Please do NOT copy any of the photos on this blog - if you would like to use any photos, please leave a comment with contact details, Photos will be supplied without watermark and at full size. All comments are moderated and won't be shown to the public. Thank-you

Please note that no photo has been photoshopped on this blog, cropped yes, photoshopped NO!

Enjoy all of natures beauty!

Please visit Redbubble, perhaps there is something there you would like to purchase. Refer the photos below!
Buy my work

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Living in the Country with Kangaroos

Living in the country has it's own hazards - we live a peaceful life, amongst the gum trees, a wonderful clear view of the 'burbs and the wildlife.

Heaven on earth one would say - until you have to deal with the Kangaroos. I know international tourists think they are cuddly and cute and that they can do no wrong.

I wish people would know the whole story before commenting. Roos from a distance 50m - are fine, but any closer than that and you could be harmed, possibly killed.

Some of these kangaroos can stand 8 foot tall in the old scale and the old males, who have been kicked out of the pack, will not stand down. They will stand their ground. Some nights we are unable to move about the property (within 5m of the front doorstep) because the big males are refusing to move, even when a piece of firewood is lobbed at them.

Last week - we received news of another dog being gutted and drowned by a roo in one of the local dams. This is the 4th instance that I know about in the last 12 months and the number of near fatalities are almost too numerous to be able to count. We aren't talking small dogs. We are talking Golden retrievers, Rhodesian Ridge Backs and the like.

They have blinded men and almost gutted several people in similar circumstances to us. They are dangerous and will not back off if approached.

So next time you see a Kangaroo, keep your distance and if you hear sounds like an old man clearing his throat, move away and put something solid between you and that Roo.

Please do NOT copy any of the photos on this blog - if you would like to use any photos, please leave a comment with contact details, Photos will be supplied without watermark and at full size. All comments are moderated and won't be shown to the public. Thank-you

Please note that no photo has been photoshopped on this blog, cropped yes, photoshopped NO!

Enjoy all of natures beauty!

Please visit Redbubble, perhaps there is something there you would like to purchase. Refer the photos below!
Buy my work

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Something to Offend Everyone

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kg's?

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
! "Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Magical Mystical Handbag of a Woman

As a woman, I am just as guilty as the next……. If the world were to end tomorrow – I’m sure I would be able to feed, water and cater for the needs of at least 10 human beings, all from the confines of my overweight, over-sized handbag!

In theory this might be great but……….. it leaves many women with sore backs, arms and necks, simply because they do carry too much ‘stuff’ around on a daily basis.

Let’s be honest, let’s be minimalist. We carry far too much around and it is affecting our health.

Hands up – who carries, make-up, pen/s, notepad, book, diary, phone, headache tablets, chocolate (for a quick pick-me-up) This can weigh almost 2kilos. Bet you never thought of that.

Add to that keys, wallet and ‘other’ stuff and you are carrying the weight of small newborn child on one half of your body.

This affects the muscles in your neck as the weight pulls down on your shoulder, it can compress the ribs on the side you carry your bag. It can harm the tendons and muscles in your arm if you prefer to carry the bag over your arm. This can affect the way you walk, it can cause headaches and muscle aches, that would not occur if you didn’t carry this much weight around.

If you are fortunate enough to own a mini-PC, you know the type less than 30cm/12” in length, don’t go adding that to the burden, get yourself a slim-line back pack to take that weight.

If you have children, it is tempting to add their ‘stuff’ to your bag also, you think it is easier than taking two bags to the same location. Do get a second bag for the kids’ stuff, because as sure as there is day and night, you never quite take all the stuff out when you get back home, thus adding more weight to your bag.

So in closing, think of these things:-
1. Do you really need such a big bag?
2. Get a backpack for mini-PC’s
3. Get a 2nd bag for the kids’ ‘stuff’
4. Make a regular thing of checking what is actually in your bag and be critical
5. Consider a stylish backpack, instead of a ‘handbag’
6. If your shoulder, arms, neck or back are sore – get it checked out
7. If you can manage it – use a small/er bag as often as possible

Good luck and remember – you were only given 1 body to last a life-time!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Give Me The gun or Take Your Chances With Me

I’m an idiot, what else can I say?

I'm minding my own business, doing my own business when I hear 1, no 2, better make that 3 gunshots.

SHIT – the dog is going nuts – I’m babysitting 3 x houses in the street, 2 with dogs, I instantly think some loon has taking a dislike to one of the dogs, the shape of valley makes it sound like that

4 shots, what the F**** is going on?

I grab my phone and car keys – nearly driving the car out THROUGH the roller door.

5 shots – F*** who is killing what? No roo, the unfortunate result of meeting a car, would require that many shots – unless you were as pissed as a parakeet and kept missing

Who the hell is shooting a BIG gun in our street?

Race down the drive, I can see lights on in most houses,, nothing unsual, I stop the car, I can hear raised voices.

Ch**** Domestic violence on OUR street? – the street where there might be some problems, but nothing THAT BAD

Down our street, up into the next, most outside lights on with people on the porch, on house stands out as NOT having the porch light on, something is up.

I pull in there, knock on the door, the door is answered by the lady of the house, she is shaking and I’m thinking I’m an absolute idiot, turn around NOW

But stupid me……………… I invited myself in. Asking at the same time, “what is going on?”

She fills me in – apparently the neighbour has been threatening the man of the house and threatening his dog – YOU NEVER EVER threat the dog, ANYWHERE

The man of the house comes inside, I tell him to lock the gun up NOW, thankfully he complies. Then sit down and assess the situation, the police WILL TURN up, it’s just a matter of time.

Went through the story, and just before I cleared out, the police turn up. The police turn up – full body kits, mace, side arms – you name it – they must have been expecting a gun fight.

Their radio is going nuts with reports – I knew it was only a matter of time.

Once I could make my escape I did, but the next person to draw (and fire) a gun near me – will find themselves having to deal with me and my walking stick.

I’m not anti-guns, just guns and booze and arguments always cause problems.

Guns have their place, but not in the hands of people who have a tendency to drink too much or have a temper.

I’ve fire a gun in defence of my animals, I’ve fired a gun to humanely destroy animals when needed. That is what you have to do sometimes living in the country. I just don’t like guns when close to houses and with alcohol.

Enjoy the life you have – you only have one!

Post-script - said neighbour came to my door this morning (Friday) and apologised for his behaviour - I hope he apologised to everyone else in the street also

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

New Blog

I think I've created a monster.

Those that have been following me - are aware that I have another blog It Ain't Always So

Well life never is as you expect it.

Accordingly What I thought would be occassional blog post, has turned into daily, sometimes twice daily blogging and it became a monster - So I'm going to seperate the 'Real' life from the 'real' life and give you the drama and facts of humans at 'It Ain't Always So' and other little bits and pieces here.

So here goes - this blog is for the light-hearted, the other for the more serious bits of life.

Enjoy and PLEASE comment - even if you disagree - I love a good discussion!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The National Nanny State

Every day I read that someone wants something actioned because it’s dangerous. Someone wants something stopped because it causes noise. Someone wants something stopped because it sends the wrong message. It’s getting ridiculous. It's not always dangerous or noisy or even sending the wrong message - it's perceived to be doing so, which is completely different to actually doing that.

Case 1:-
A QLD school gave stubby holders to graduating students, I believe emblazoned with the school logo, a parent steps up to the mark and says that it’s wrong. We are trying to stop binge drinking, we are trying to stop copious amounts of alcohol being drunk. Hello, a stubby holder with the school’s logo can also hold, soft drink bottles, cans of soft drink. Some people even cut them down and use as padding on various implements. Argument lost, the school did nothing wrong, I repeat they did NOTHING WRONG.

Case 2:-
NSW Government has enacted a law that makes it legal for council officers to enter your property to determine if your pool fencing is adequate and up to ‘council standards’ Now this isn’t a real problem, we all agree that pool fencing saves lives, but kids will kids and parents have to watch their children as though they have eyes in the back of their heads. Nothing replaces watchfulness with fencing. Argument lost. Pool owners have done nothing wrong (as long as they have a pool fence) The pool owner did nothing wrong, I repeat they’ve done NOTHING WRONG.

Case 3:-
A Tasmanian publican was given the keys to a motorbike of a drinking customer, as the customer had heard that a booze bus was in the area. The customer then requested his keys back in what I believe to a forceful manner. The keys were returned, the rider departed and subsequently lost his life, due to drink driving. The family of the rider, then pursued the case through the courts, claiming that the publican had a responsibility in regards to the death. The first court case determined this was the case. The second court Case in the High Court, determined it was NOT the case. Argument lost, the publican did NOTHING WRONG. I repeat he did NOTHING WRONG.

Case 4:-
Victorian parents are calling for cap on fast-food outlets numbers. According to the Herald Sun of the 26th October 2009, there is 1 outlet per 505 people. The national average is 1 per 575 people. Now see we pay for fast-food, we have to go to the store to buy that fast food, the money has to be earnt by someone (read between the lines) an adult. Therefore why must the government control the number of fast-food outlets? It’s up to the parent NOT to buy the fast-food. If less people bought less, then there would be less fast-food outlets, it’s called supply and demand. Argument lost, the fast-food outlets have done NOTHING WRONG. I repeat the fast-food outlets have NOTHING WRONG.

As I’ve previously posted an Ode to Common Sense, available here! The Passing of Common Sense.
It would appear that common sense is no longer common and that HG Wells', “War of the Worlds” and the concept that life has to continually evolve and 'earn' its right to exist. Through renewal of generations, hardship, learning, life earns its right to exist.

Read that as you may!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Things You Should Know, but Probably Don't

The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww). That's why the nickname "Fish Lips" must have been created.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Heaving in the Kitchen

What else can I say? – It was disgusting. I was about to prepare dinner, caramelised vegetables with Schnitzel and I went to retrieve the potatoes from the bottom of the cupboard.

The first thing that hit me was the smell – I mean a vile wafting smell that took on a life of its’ own and tried to possess the house.

OMG – I didn’t know what it was – I removed the ½ bag of potatoes, nothing there – I then bent down to remove the second bag of potatoes and nearly vomited.

Stuff like vile bile (it was yellow in colour) was leeching through the plastic bag and the smell – I raced outside dry retching – expecting to be dry for not very long.

I braved a re-entry and raced for the bathroom – grabbed an armful of towels and holding my nose, I bent towards the seething stinking vile mess and grabbed the bag of potatoes, and put them on a towel and heaved them outside.

Hubby heard me dry-retching and wanted to know what the problem was. My response ”the bottom of my cupboard is a vile smelling stench filled shithole” He couldn’t figure out what I was ranting about, so came inside to see, and he too was beaten back by the stench.

I grabbed the Glen 20 and liberally applied before attempting a further re-entry.

Re-entry achieved, the smell covered as best as was possible. The items from said cupboard removed and placed on another towel to be assessed for keepability or disposal.

All food stuffs need to be inspected to determine if safe to consume, if safe, they needed to be washed and put somewhere else.

The whole cause of this vile mess was a leaking water filter (that hubby had known about for weeks), he showed so much concern he actually neatly folded a towel UNDER the said leak and proceeded to re-stack the cans on the towel. FFS!

I also forgot to mention that every morning he enters the cupboard to retrieve his cornflakes. Why the hell didn’t he smell it?

I can’t understand men – and…….. if you are asking WHY I haven’t investigated the cupboard before now – we have been living on party food, left-overs and dining out, all part of Christmas.

Men……………… need I say more?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

In 5 years – I don’t think anything has changed, has it?


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends you know you want to!

As you can see 2005 is frequent in many posts recently – but all are topical!