Saturday, December 26, 2009

Male vs Female ATM Procedures:

A new sign in the bank lobby reads: "Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Retrieve cash and receipt.
15. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook
16. Check makeup.
17. Drive forward 2 feet.
18. Reverse back to cash machine and retrieve card.
19. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
20. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
21. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
22. Redial person on cell phone.
23. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
24. Release Parking Brake.


  1. Haha. There used to be a drive through bank at Camberwell Junction in the days before transaction cards. It never caught on.

  2. Yeah - there used to be a drive-thru teller service at the ANZ bank in Bell Street, Preston - many moons ago (I think well gone now) but it was about the same time Macdonalds introduced drive0thru in the restaurants - if that gives you any idea and the delays were line blowing - the cars used to bank up Bell Street outbound and drive people nuts!

    Same principle