My Favourite Photos of the week

Taken by me for your enjoyment! Lightning - taken from afar 10th February 2011

Southbank, Melbourne taken at night 29th December 2010

Lightning - taken from afar 10th February 2011

Lightning - taken from afar 10th February 2011

Please DO NOT copy any photos on this blog - without my express written permission

The truck the Commode and the Fallout #Finale

Post 58

On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

Dated - Today
2 car accidents, 1 bruised and battered marriage, no long-term job, A decade missing from my life (I don't remember much of this period), 2 children now young adults, who grew up with a missing mother. $2,500 from the TAC as 'compensation', but in the good news we've managed to keep the house, even though the debt collectors were knocking.

I gather the reason that I never received any more money from the TAC was because the arsehole boss, never filled in the paperwork, the doctors didn't honour their oaths, and like always I'm left swinging in the wind.

I have trouble walking most of the time, even 13 years later. I still have many aches and pains and when things get beyond that I chew on painkillers, which are never far away. The only benefit (which is also a disadvantage) is that somewhere in a Melbourne Hospital there is a patient admission record that has the words "Severely Bruised" crossed out and the word broken inserted. Due to this event and the subsequent post as linked. Yeah or Boo for high pain thresholds. Not sure which is better.

I did once consider ending it all (insert here the forbidden words:- suicide, killing yourself, selfishness, self-hate, self-loathing and so much more) - it would have been so much easier and so much less painful (for me), but I realised that wasn't the answer. I just had to suck it up and deal with it.

If you are wondering where our families were, my husbands parents have passed on and my parents weren't interested in either their grandchildren or daughter. so it was was sink or swim.

I am lucky, I still have a husband, even after 13 years of hell and plenty more to come. We've been married 23 years this year (2011)

I can't sit in a car for longer than 4 hours and that decreases the longer I sit in said car, so sit for 4 hours, next break to be 3 hours etc etc. This rules out international air flight and many other things people take for granted.

We still have wood heating, but we have fairies and sometimes I don't know who those fairies are, but they deliver trailer loads of wood when we are not home. None of the neighbours admit to anything nor claim to see anything. Mostly the wood comes in whole pieces and still needs to be broken down (Split) which I can't do, but hubby can do this as the wood is dropped in the driveway and we have lights there.

We still collect wood, but with the Victorian Bushfires, we now have access to private property which we have exclusive rights to access fallen timber and cut and bring home, or even cut and leave to be picked up at a later time.

We no longer need to cart water, as we managed to replace the old broken tank with several new ones and increase our water holding by 500%.

I can still smile about lots of things, and now the kids are considerably older, life is certainly easier.

Housework still doesn't get done, but I've learnt that sometimes a dirty floor is not a cardinal sin and if you don't like it - you don't have to visit.

I no longer believe in the medical system, the justice system or even government. I have come to realise that the bureaucracy is bigger than any of us and if you allow it - you will be gobbled up and spat out if you even go near them.

You may have noticed that there were huge holes in this story and that is because I have thrown many pages out, or recycled the paper for other things when times were tough. I don't know where those entries are and I'm not going to pretend they exist when they no longer do.

The whole 'event' almost didn't see the light of day, I almost throw it out also, but then decided that a decade later maybe I should share it, to show people that a life-changing event is not necessarily a life ending event. So that is what you see before you in the previous posts.

If you are reading about this for the first time, you can start reading HERE - THE BEGINNING

The TAC did say to me at one point in time, that Hubby is meant to care for me, but they failed to take into consideration (even though I told them this) he employs apprentices and if an apprentice hurts himself whilst unsupervised, he (my husband) can go to jail for lack of care. That's Workcovers rule and why he hasn't been able to help much. He has to work, to generate income and supervise idiot apprentices, so that they too can also still have a job.

It hasn't been easy sharing these posts, there have been many tears and thoughts of 'what if' and 'if only' but I have learnt those words mean little unless you help yourself.

Take care out there. You're here for the long-term, life isn't always fun, but you can learn from it.

I would like to say that my darling husband deserves a medal for all the shit I've put him through and still to put him through. I look around and realise that a lesser man would have abandoned me in my time of need. I love you darling.

~When given lemons, make lemonade~
~Squeezing the lemon juice into the eyes of others, only brings temporary relief to your pain~

THE END
(Imagine the Bugs Bunny Ending about here)

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #58

Post 57
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

10th December 2000

….. Hubby gets frustrated when I can’t carry water or the feed, but I am beyond caring in the sense it’s been like this for 2 ½ years and if I can manage then he can put up with it. He doesn’t have to put up with the pain and the mental anguish that this shit causes. He doesn’t have to worry when he’s been working all day and organising the kids, then half way home knowing that you should stop because you are so tired or that the pain killers that you’ve taken to ease the pain to continue are making you sleepy. You know that you should not be driving. I do not have a choice. I have to keep going. There is nobody to hear me scream, there is no-one to taxi me around when I get like this. And I have to keep going.

Tonight my leg is really sore, probably something to do with walking the dogs and kids on bikes. Daddy works so mummy is left to hold up the kids entertainment.

I am going to pop a couple of pills and see if that reduces the pain and then try and get some sleep.

Goodnight

The Last Post

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #57

Post 56
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

12th September 2000

For the last week things have not been rosy. My shoulder has felt as if someone is trying to remove my arm from my shoulder. My right side has been painful along with my ankle but I have been managing with minimal pain relief. The nights are the worst, they only way I can sleep if I place a heatpack on my back over the affected areas (my shoulder) and watch the TV or listen to the radio until I fall asleep. By this time I am exhausted.

Besides that the ‘new’ job is excellent. There are no put downs and my work is appreciated, I get the work done the same, but there is no underlying threats or fear.

I saw a neurologist last weekend and besides my doctor is probably the only professional who agrees with my plan of action. What I mean by this is that the ‘other’ doctor was only interesting in treating me if he didn’t have to fill in any reports and I would take anti-depressants. Another one was only interested if I took anti-depressants. I did try them but they made me so tired that I could not keep up with the kids and I lost my drive. My doctor has attempted to prescribe anti-depressants, which I took, but even though they were of a different variety, they still made me tired and I could not function properly. My doctor and I had (prior to seeing the neurologist) agreed that it appeared that anti-depressants weren’t for me, simply because they did not appear to agree with me.

Anyway, the neurologist has put in writing that the treatment I am receiving from the chiro and minimal pain relief and continuing the best I can is the best approach. Rather than attempting to medicate with prescriptions that appear not to be working.

For starters, I’m not depressed, sure sometimes I get upset, but everybody does, if the kids are playing up and you don’t have enough money for the basics of life. But that is not depression that is life.

…. Life must go on and since no-one is willing to help me, then I must help myself.

……… Night.

Post 58

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #56

Post 55
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

11th July 2000

Oh what to do?

I feel like my whole life is up the shit.

The house is a little better than what it has been in the past.

My leg is killing me and has been for weeks.

……… Since I left work I have at least felt better emotional. Simply because the bastard can no longer ride me. ………..

I was made to feel as though I was being selfish by not helping him. I wanted to help him, but was physically unable.

Anyway, things are looking better now. At least I’m working and seem to be in demand. After I finish this job I take on some private work, which is permanent casual, the rate is higher, but there is more risk of losing income, if I have to take time off work. I doubt that TAC will give a shit. They will probably say that it was my choice to move and therefore why should they care. I can imagine them saying that I should take shit-head to court.

Anyway, like I said before, if I don’t look after me, then nobody else will and that has been proven time and time again.

Enough bullshit. I’m not writing anymore tonight.

Post 57


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #55

Post 54
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

16th June 2000

I feel better now that I have left. At the same time I feel sad, because I liked the people and wanted to stay, but the pressures being placed on me were unbearable.

………. I had to take the heat pack into the car this morning because my shoulder was sore. The heat eases the pain and makes it more bearable to drive the car. I think the reason it was so sore was because of the stress of trying to finish work in an atmosphere of unspoken threats and veiled comments and also the cold. I have been finding that the cold increases my pain levels and other than sitting on top of the fire, nothing relieves it………

…….. No matter what I did the boss was always unhappy. At the same time he was unfair. No matter what I did he was not happy. At the same time he would not fill in the paperwork from the TAC. I was in a no win situation. If I was to go public about this he would deny everything and I would still lose. He is a slick speaker when it suits him and when he is pushed into a corner.

Good night

Post 56


Post 1 - The Beginning

My Favourite Photos of the week

Taken by me for your enjoyment. two Kangaroos, Fighting for world dominance at sunset 18th January 2011

A pair of kangaroos watching the watchers 3rd December 2010

Kangaroo in Silhouette 7th January 2011

Kangaroo at sunset (cropped) 28th December 2010

Please DO NOT copy any photos on this blog - without my express written permission

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #54

Post 53
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

4th June 2000

I resigned from work on Friday. Unlike last time where he told me to leave. I beat him to the gun. Both him and her have been getting shitty because I can’t help on the production (I’m a fucking bookkeeper) Both have been saying it would be easier if you could help. We can’t afford to employ anyone else and things like that.

I’m getting sick of it. …………

I saw the doctor on Friday and he finally received the specialists report, which said that yes, she is suffering pain, but I don’t know what is causing it and because I don’t know, I can’t help. She’ll just have to live with it.

I have been living with the pain for over two years and nobody is able to help me.

I try not to think about what I will like in twenty years time.

Post 55

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #53

Post 52
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

30th May 2000

I feel like garbage. My shoulder, leg and side are really sore, even pain whilst I breathe has returned. I’ve resorted to heat packs again.

The temperatures have been terrible. It’s been raining a lot and between the damp and the cold, I have been in agony.

A couple of nights ago I was washing the dishes and before I had finished, I was doubled up with pain. I had to stop and lean on the tap and wait for the pain to subside.

Can you imagine how horrible that is?

I hate feeling like this. I just want to get on with my life. ………

I’m still having trouble sleeping. Lying down in bed is an unpleasant experience at the best of time. As for ‘other stuff’ forget it…………..

…………………….

Good-night

Post 54

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #52

Post 51

On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

11th December 1999

Like I have been saying for the entire 18 months of this bullshit. TAC are not interested in helping. I don’t expect someone to wait on me hand and foot, but it would be nice not to have to vacuum the floor and then suffer the pain, or try and hang clothes on the line once again and suffer the pain. It would be lovely to have someone mow the grass around the house area. I’m beginning to get paranoid about the risk of snakes and many times are not letting the children out, because I if I am not there then they might not see a snake. I would never forgive myself if one of them got bitten by a snake.

Hubby can’t do everything. You know what? Believe it or not! I miss mowing the lawns. I miss not being able to take my aggression out on a piece of wood. I miss not being able to see the fruits of my labour. I walk out of house and the lawn looks shithouse, the dirty washing is piling up. I don’t look forward to the pain generated by hanging the washing on the line. Even folding the washing causes pain. ………….

There is at least one good thing about the kids getting older. My son is in the middle of potty training, which means the only time I have to lay him on the floor is first thing in the morning to take off his wet nappy and then last thing of a night to put a nappy on for the night. That is definitely a benefit. It means not so much bending and lifting.

I’m starting to get goose bumps from the cold, so I’m going to bed………..

Good-night.

Post 53

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #51

Post 50
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

10th December 1999
(Somehow I've ended up back at the workplace from hell. I don't remember. I seriously don't remember!)

…….. My leg has been pretty good for nearly a month. It gives me twinges occasionally, but not like it has in the past.

My whole right side has been the worst. At times my breathing has been affected. My bra has been giving me the shits and my back when I stand is stiff and makes me look like and old woman.

One good thing is that the boss has stayed off my back. It has been like a dream. The only problem is that the TAC were supposed to be sending paperwork regarding time off and it was supposed to be sent to work. The paperwork has not turned up. There are two reasons for this and that could that it has been sent and the boss is hiding it OR that the TAC have not sent it. Take your pick.

We had to buy water last week. At least we had the money for it.

A couple of days ago, my blood pressure was up the creek. I went to get into the shower and I was in the middle of shampooing my hair (Hubby wasn’t home) Anyway, because my blood pressure was low, I didn’t know if I was going to throw up or pass out. I ended up sitting on the floor of the shower to get the shampoo out of my hair. I managed that. I managed to stand up and turn the water off. I got out of the shower and managed somehow to get back to the bedroom and crawl into bed. I shut my eyes and prayed it would go away. It took nearly an hour. In that time the kids were having a party, eating sweet biscuits and watching TV. I managed to get the kids to school and crèche (late) but since then things have been going down hill. The pain levels have increased and today has been the worst.

What am I meant to do? Hubby’s in the middle of his busy period and with me being like this is a noose around his neck. If I call him and ask for help, he is often out installing and can’t help.

Post 52

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #50

Post 49
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

3rd November 1999

That’s it. I’m officially unemployed. The bastard finally got the better of me. I can’t help it if I am unable to help him on the production line. (I was employed as a bookkeeper) and yet he continues to ask and in doing so makes me feel like a heel. …….. He said I had better re-evaluate my position within the company. My response as that I quit. He said put it in writing so I did.

………. In some respects I feel relieved that I no longer have to say no and that I am no longer being pressured into doing what I can not. I still haven't assessed to what extent I feel guilty, but I do. I also wonder why I feel guilty. Why should I feel guilt about a pig who doesn’t seem to care about anyone but himself?

……. Since I am unable to do process work and that cost me my job (remember I’m a bookkeeper) and I am unable to do continuous data-entry, then that limits my ability to find work. The doctor agrees and as such has written a certificate, which I took immediately to the TAC. Supposedly the TAC will cover my wages, but I have to wait and see. They may determine that since I have been working all this time I am not eligible. This is not really the solution I have been looking for as previously discussed. But I have no other options YET.

I’ve spent the day at the CES applying for a job seeker number so that I can look for work………..

The doctor has given me a month off, It would be kind of nice not to have to rush everywhere. I would not be sore and tired if I didn’t have to work. But I can’t afford not to work. Regardless of where I am working or not, I would be travelling the same amount of kilometres, I would be getting up at the same time. The only benefit would be that I would be able to go a little slower with the housework and not continue when the pain was so bad that I need to pop pills.

At least for the moment the tears have stopped. I was feeling some self pity earlier ……….

I was sick of the verbal abuse. Which I received on almost a daily, certainly weekly basis. Many of these instances have been documented here. Not because I have a grudge, but because it made life a lot easier to deal with once I had gotten the poison out of my system.

Can you imagine what it is like being told you are useless, that your body is a machine and if it doesn’t work throw it out, can you imagine how demoralising this can be coming from your boss?

I put up with the abuse for as long as possible. It’s not my fault I was involved in two accidents in six months. I took as little time off as possible and I get kicked in the teeth for it.

…………….. All I can say is that I tried and it wasn’t enough.

Can you imagine what it is like going to pick up your youngest child to find him cowering under the kitchen table screaming for his mother. I felt like a heel, all because I tried to organise an appointment after hours and they were running late. It took me two weeks to recover and my son three weeks to forgive me. Everytime I left him he screamed blue murder, thinking I was leaving him forever. I felt like picking him up and taking him right back home where he felt same.

Now, because I have no job, the holiday (two nights) we had booked we are cancelling. We can’t afford to go, with the finances under such a cloud. ……… It would have been the last weekend before Christmas that we would have been able to go. …….. It’s no use crying over spilt milk, I just screwed the family over AGAIN. I feel like it is all my fault. In some respects it is. I shouldn’t have let the boss cower me like that. I feel like the dog that has run away from his master after being flogged for two years.

Post 51


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #49

Post 48
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

2nd November 1999

I feel like an old woman and I’m moving like one too. My ankle is killing me and my right side is sore. My shoulder is tender and my right arm if I lift anything. At least for the moment my neck is pretty good and Stormin’ Norman has not moved back in.

As long as I am sitting still, the pain is not too bad. If I try and move, then my legs don’t want to work. It takes a long while of thinking about it before my legs want to move. I have to will them to move and the pain is severe.

The cramps on the right side come and go. At least they are away more than they are here. I don’t think I would be able to cope with not being able to breathe.

.………. Enough bullshit I’m going to bed.

Post 50


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #48

Post 47
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

1st November 1999

From being pretty good on Saturday, things are on the down hill slide. My ankle and leg are very sore. ………. Stormin’ Norman has moved back in. My neck was really sore and I think that was giving me a headache.

I actually managed to feed the kids, then left daughter in charge, popped some pills and went to bed. After an hour I actually felt a lot better.

Stormin’ Norman moved out and left me with my life, once again

I really don’t know what to do. Why am I being punished like this?

………………. Good night.

Post 49


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #47

Post 46
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

30th October 1999

I felt pretty good this morning,. For the first time that I can remember in a very long time, I stood under the shower and my ankle was not sore. Can you imagine the relief? After having such a couple of bad weeks, the pain disappears overnight.

………. I have not popped any pills today, which is probably a good sign.

I’ve had a headache nearly all day, but that is bearable by comparison to the pain.

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #46

Post 45
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

29th October 1999

.......... This morning I got up and chewed some painkillers and was chewing on them again by morning tea time. Things did not get much better after lunch. By 1pm I had to throw one more Panadeine Forte down and another just before dinner. For the last two weeks, I can't get up in the morning without chomping on pills and I go to bed chewing some more. I feel like they are some sort of bizarre diet. I hate taking them, but they are necessary. Without them I am in agony. I try not to take them, but when you can't drive the car without them, then you don't have much choice.

I forgot to mention the twitching, my whole body has once again taken on a life of its' own from my toes to my shoulder. I keep feeling muscles twitching. When you get to bed and try and relax, you move without your brains consent. It's quite upsetting really.

Anyway, I am going to bed, let's see what tomorrow brings.

Post 47


Post 1 - The Beginning

My Favourite Photos of the week

Taken by me for your enjoyment juvenile Kangaroo on the hop (28th December 2010)

Dolphin chasing a bow wave at Apollo Bay (cropped) 25th January 2011

The family dog enjoying some paddock time - 9th February 2011

Tiger Woods set in brick - Craigieburn Brick works 27th December 2010

Please DO NOT copy any photos on this blog - without my express written permission

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #45

Post 44

On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

27th October 1999

I feel disgusting. The pain levels are well up. The only thing I can think has caused this is that I haven’t seen the chiro for two weeks. The pain has been really bad since the Tuesday prior. Which is the day prior to normally seeing the Chiro.

……… I just want all this to go away. In some respects I blame the doctors surgery for not investigating these problems further, a lot earlier. I believe that if this had been investigated earlier, then I would be well on the improve, instead of on the edge of a cliff, where I do not know what is going to happen and whether I will be okay tomorrow. I want the pain to go away, but no-one is able or willing to investigate thoroughly.

Anyway enough bullshit.

Post 46


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #44

Post 43
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

24th October 1999

I really don’t know why I bother trying to do everything that needs to be done. No matter what I do, it never seems enough.

……… We have no wood, we have no water, there is air in the pipes and it has been freezing. But again nobody cares. Why should they care? I am only an idiot who continued to work after being slammed by a big fucking truck. Whenever I look, wherever I turn there are trucks all around me. I have on more than one occasion either changed the road I was travelling on to avoid a truck or alternatively pulled off the road and let them pass.

It sounds so weak, and I feel weak when this happens, but nobody understands.

………… You wonder why he doesn’t get out there and chop some wood. Well, the timber is in the gully and it is too dark to go down and get it and saw it up with the chainsaw. Hubby hasn’t been getting home before 8pm and by then it is dark. I can not and will not allow him to go into the gully in the dark and attempt to cut the wood. It is too dangerous. Since I can not do it. There is now no wood. But why should anyone care? I know for sure the TAC don’t give a shit about people like me. I have to continue with life as much as possible even with the level of pain that I am enduring.

Sounds like self-pity at its peak, but believe me, when you are in this situation you would be saying the same things.

Post 45


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #43

Post 42
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

19th October 1999

I really haven’t felt like writing again and I still don’t. Life in general is giving me the shits. I rang the solicitors, after I found out that the doctor didn’t want to have anything to do with TAC. This all came about after I made an appointment and did what the solicitor said, which was to sit down and discuss the issues that caused me to change doctors in the first place.

Anyway, we sat down alright, but after discussing all the issues, she was open about the fact that she can not be bothered with the paperwork from the TAC. The proof was in the pudding when she pulled out some documentation off her desk (from the TAC) which was dated the 22nd June 1999. She told me that she could not be bothered with the TAC and the accompanying paperwork and would be more than happy to see me on family matters, but that to me is not good enough. I don’t know how long I have been going to that clinic, but I know it was before my son was born, so it has to be at least 2.5 years. Anyway, I ended up asking the Doctor for someone else who would be willing to handle TAC matters and she referred me to another doctor. He is located on the other side of the complex. I went there straight away and he fitted me in and seemed quite disappointed in the events that had led me in coming to see him.

I don’t think I complain, I think I put up with a lot of garbage before I get upset and I believe that because of this, I get treated like dirt 90% of the time.

The ‘new’ doctor is wanting to see me again this Friday and is going to investigate my problems more thoroughly.

……………..Yesterday I was totally intimidated by a bloody huge crane truck. ……. It was not just a crane truck, it had 4 sets of dual wheels and the tyres where bigger than my car.

……….. It scared the living daylights out of me and I ended up turning off. Whenever I see something big like that it seems to be scaring me more and more. I feel like such a wimp. But I look at it as self-preservation.

I think that is the end of the story today. Enjoy yourself and stay out of the way of trucks and moronic drivers.

Anyway enough garbage for now.

Post 44


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #42

Post 41
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

14th October 1999

The Boss has been into the office today and had another shot at me about various things:-
-Office staff are to clock on/off (I'm the only office staff!)
-Personal phone calls, I hardly make any
-I should only ever take whole days off, not part days (can you see the sense in this?)
-I should only be working 4 not 5 days a week (then shit, make me an offer idiot)
-Then demanded to know why I was crying? FFS I wonder why?

Post 43


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #41

Post 40
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

10th October 1999

I have felt shithouse since Thursday night. …………. The pain has been unrelenting. It was so bad that every step hubby took across the floor in the lounge room made my ankle scream. I wince in pain because if say anything hubby gets the shits. He is sick of this and because of the bloody accident we are fighting more and more. Most of the arguments are about the state of the house and the fact that things are not getting done. Can you imagine what it must be like to come home late from work and find your wife sitting down and saying that the washing machine needs emptying and that there is no fire wood and that the animals need feeding? Before, he never had to worry about these sorts of things and now he does. He gets so sick of it. Tonight he got shitty and started doing the housework and when I asked what are you doing? He said “Yeah, I sit on my butt all day and do nothing.”

I am sitting here at the moment and my left leg is burning and every time I move, it HURTS. If I keep still (very still) it does not hurt. I have in some ways learned to disassociate the pain. As long as I do not use the offending limb I can block the pain to a certain extent. The only time this does not work is if outside influences causes movement. i.e. vibrations from the floor. Then I find that the pain returns.

Outside at the moment, it’s raining, I was worried, since we lost the house tank, we have lost the capacity to hold 5,000 gallons and therefore if we go for more than 2 weeks without rain, we have to cart water or go without. Generally we go without. Simply because hubby does not have the time and his car does not cope well with the furphy. From the sounds of it, the rain gauge should be well into the 10mm range. If that is the case, it should see us through for another week or two. Keep your fingers crossed.

……… One good thing about the week, it has been warm. Enough bullshit,. I hope the appointment on Tuesday will shed some light on everything and perhaps give me some assistance HA! HA! (What sort of chance do you think I’ve got?

Post 42


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #40

Post 39
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

24th April 1999

I must be at the peak of my pain. My survival today has relied on Panadeine forte. ……….

I love my kids and am realising that I am missing out on a lot, but I have no choice. I can't lift my son without pain; therefore I do not lift him. It is a horrible feeling, not being able to lift and cuddle your children whenever you want to.

……………. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Post 41


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #39

Post 38
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

15th April 1999

I think I mentioned that my back has been sore all week. Every time I get up from my desk it is an effort.

I hate feeling like this. I just want everything to go away. Every movement I make reminds me of the pain.

I feel as though I am complaining when I go to the doctors or the TAC. I know that sounds silly………….

I don’t feel like writing much, because it reminds me of how long I have been like this and I just want everything gone. I’m sure that if I ignore the pain (as much as possible) then it has to go away. I have to get better, I can’t live like this for the rest of my life.

I hate going to bed because of the pain. I hate staying up because of the pain and I hate taking tablets because although they dull the pain. I don’t want to be reliant on them. I find that when things are really bad, it upsets my stomach and then I take pills to try and alleviate the pain and I find that I throw up because of nausea because of the pain.

I hate it, I hate it. I hate it. Why are there idiots on the road that don’t know how to drive and think ahead?

………………Hubby and I can’t even enjoy ourselves can you imagine what it is like doing the most intimate thing of your life and moaning in pain instead of pleasure?

I don’t feel like writing anymore. I hate writing. I hate keeping track of the downs instead of the ups and I hate not feeling any better.

Post 40


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #38

Post 37
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

10th April 1999

Things have gone from bad to worse. Not so much with the pain, that is static. But between hubby and me.

We ended up throwing things at each other. I am so frustrated and I know hubby is also frustrated. We are arguing all the time.

……….. Things no longer get done and hubby is getting pissed off, just as much as me.

………..had to go to the plaza to get an outfit for the wedding next week. While I was there a child (little spoilt brat) ran into the back of me. She must have slipped because she hit me at knee level and I almost collapsed. The pain had been bad before, but after that I had to find a seat and sit down for 10 minutes and let the pain subside. The only thing that allowed me to stand after being hit was the fact that I was pushing the pusher and using that to lean on.

I must have looked terrible, because when I went to get my hair cut, the hairdresser asked if I was okay. She didn’t even know me and yet she picked that something was wrong.

My arm has also been sore and the only way to reduce the pain has been to strap it again. I hope it’s not this bad again tomorrow because I have run out of strapping and I don’t have any money to buy anymore. (Hubby sometimes jokingly refers to me as an animal) well I haven’t told you where the strapping comes from. I buy it from the vets, because the stuff that they sell at the chemist sticks to you and itself. The stuff you get from the vet sticks only to itself and being elasticised provides the support far better than any crepe bandage and is easier to remove because you just cut it off, a little like plaster.

Getting back to the present, my legs and lower back are sore and if I stand I am unable to stand upright for more than several minutes. I definitely look like an old hag for that time.

I hate everything about life at the moment and the way I am living and the choices I am forced to make because of the limitations placed on me because of the accidents.

Post 39


Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #37

Post 36
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

9th April 1999

There is a lovely message on my answering machine, someone has apparently subpoenaed me to appear in court. The court date was Monday and it had been cancelled. They called 5.05pm. I am not sure if they tried the mobile or whether they only rang here. When I rang the number at 5.45pm they had already gone home. I had not received any paper and know nothing about it.

I went to the police station and asked them what a subpoena is and they said it is where you are told you have to attend court. I said I don’t have a problem with that, but what if I can’t tell what you want to hear, or need to know? The officer said that normally you would only be subpoenaed if someone thought you were going to give a favourable response. I said alright, how long does this sort of thing take? (meaning about the accidents) He said normally about 3 months. It has been four since the 2nd accident and the only thing I can think it is in relation to is if the police require us there to support their case regarding the idiot moron who drove into the middle of the road. I don’t have a problem with that.

……. I have no problems with turning up, I just wish that I had known it was happening and why the paperwork had not been ‘served’ I’m not sure if you have to sign or whether it is mailed. But I knew nothing until this phone call.

….. I have been pretty crook today. My right arm was not able to be lifted from my side nearly all morning. Washing my hair was a painful experience this morning. Driving the car was also interesting and opening the door at crèche was also a fun experience. My lower back was a lot worse. It has prevented me from walking properly and sitting and standing were a wonderful experience as well. Every time I had to get up from my desk made me grunt with pain and the painkillers do not seem to me working.

…………….. my headache has not been seen since Thursday which is good.

Post 38

Post 1 - The Beginning

My Favourite Photos of the week

Taken by me for your enjoyment! Butterfly shadow - 28th December 2010

Butterfly - 1st January 2011

Butterfly - 25th December 2010

Butterfly Shadow (cropped) 28th December 2010

Please DO NOT copy any photos on this blog - without my express written permission

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #36

Post 34 & 35
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

8th April 1999

I feel totally disgusting. My neck has been sore and was limiting my movements when I try and turn to the left. I have trouble checking the side mirror.

I went to the Physio…………. At least the headaches have gone for the time being.

………. I had to fill the car with gas and between my arm and by back I had trouble connecting the hose and the had trouble standing to wait for the tank to fill and then the walk to the checkout seemed like a walk to (not on) the moon. I was cripple, Not joking, The only way I could stand while the guy behind the counter sorted out the change was to lean heavily on the counter. Then the walk back to the car was pathetically ridiculous. I looked and felt like a drunk on a high and a swagger to match. Then the effort to get me feet into the car and close the door required a 2min rest before I could control the pain and start the car.

……. Whenever I lift my right arm away from my body, the area above the elbow screams. That is the only way to describe the pain.

Did I say that my headache seems to have left the scene? Stormin’ Norman has finally moved out. For the time being.

………. Did I mention that last month (2nd accident) that I received a letter from the idiot who drove into the middle of the road (his solicitor actually) wanting me to contact them directly.

I passed it directly onto AAMI. I think it is best that I let them handle it. Everyone has the details. The police have their reports and AAMI have my report. So I think they can sort it out. He is trying to get out of paying and I know that the police have charged him so how can I argue with that since they were there and collected witness statements.

Post 37

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #34 & #35

Post 33
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

5th April 1999

My left leg is really sore. Up, down, walking, resting it all hurts. My right arm is also sore. No matter what position I leave it. It hurts. My neck has also been sore on both sides at various times. I hate days like this.

Hubby commented on Saturday night that my whole body was twitching. I said to him that is was the accident and I don’t think he quite understands how bad it really is. He seems to understand that I have good and bad days, but not really how bad it is.

……….. Good night


6th April 1999

I’m going to bed as soon as I finish this. I’m cold. Even with the fire going my legs are cold and in agony. I found out this morning how bad things could get when I get cold.

This morning the car wouldn’t start. It had a flat battery. When the RACV guy came, I obviously stayed with him while he got it going. The wind was quite cold and I was feeling cold, but not that cold. Anyway about 30min after being outside, the car was going, so I loaded the kids and left. 5 min later my leg was agony. From the knee to the ankle it felt twice as big as normal and definitely not normal. This feeling lasted until 2pm. It was agony. The pills did not help and walking was very difficult.

My entire leg felt twice the size of normal and the pain was beyond belief. It was horrible.

Anyway, I’m going to bed with a hot water bottle, to see if that makes any difference.

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #33

Post 32
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

4th April 1999

I must admit I feel better. The only problem is that I missed out again. Hubby has taken the kids somewhere. Obviously to keep the peace and let me sleep.

I am missing out on so much.

Hubby and daughter try so hard to help and I do appreciate it, but it is not fair on them.

Here we are in the holidays and once again I am the party pooper. I hate it. The time is now 5pm and my head still had a shadow of a headache.

……. Sometimes I think the words that I wrote do not describe properly what I am feeling. I think that sometimes they are not strong enough, nor powerful enough to describe everything that I am feeling, missing out on or can not do.

Now I feel depressed. Sounds easy to write, but my moods and interaction with my family indicate that I am.

………. Hubby is trying to help but it must be so hard for him also.

………..My relationship with my kids and family is very important, but what can I do to rescue it?

Post 34 & 35

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #32

Post 31
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

2nd April 1999

……… from what the TAC say, they would not help me with the washing anyway. So what is the use of telling them? I don’t know what to do.

….. Hubby is pissed off. I think because I have been feeling crock. I had planned to have fish for dinner tonight. Hubby had gone into town to get some milk and while he was there bought some fish and chips. I suppose I should be thankful that he did that, but I was annoyed because I was planning fish. Anyway, when he got back (It must have taken 1 hour) I had been watching the news, but dozed off. He came back with the fish and I was in a bad mood, because of the headache and I let rip. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was feeling cranky.

He’s now sitting in the dining room, reading the newspaper. He only does that when he is pissed off.

So once again the !@#$%^& accident has caused another !@#$%^& argument. I hate it. I want my life back and I don’t want the pain. I think I’m doing everything I can. I’m not sure what else I can do.

I forgot to mention, the last couple of days I have felt exhausted, not just tired, but bone weary. Every time I stop I feel like going to sleep. I even have trouble driving the car. I thought I was just tired. Even with a good nights sleep that has not gone. I haven’t exerted myself, so why?

…….. Please make the pain go away. I hate the nagging and disability it brings.

Post 33

Post 1 - The Beginning

The Truck, the Commodore and the Fallout #31

Post 30
On the 15th May 1998 I was involved in car V truck accident, that saw a commodore shortened by 3 foot either end. The following entries are from a diary I kept at the time.

It’s now 13 years later and the pain is still here – the TAC of course have wiped their hands of me. I learnt a long time ago that the only person you can rely on is you and it’s something that has stood me in good stead for longer than I can remember.

1st April 1999

The TAC said that even if I get home help, that if we slept in a double bed (we do) that the helper would only be allowed to make my side of the bed. It’s pathetic and it’s what I suspected and why I haven’t bothered with of that sort of garbage. As previously stated, I do not want something for nothing. Only some help, which it would appear that they (TAC) are unwilling/unable to provide due to stupid regulations. I hate government departments and the garbage involved with dealing with them.

……. Hubby got home at 10pm and was exhausted. He did not feed the chooks. I told him that they needed food, he said he would do it tomorrow. He did at least put the goat away, which saved me doing it. When I bought up the topic about no wood. He blew it. “You can freeze, I’m too tired.” This means that the wood I got earlier has no run out and the temperature in the house is dropping. It will force me to go to bed soon. That’s not such a great loss, but it means that tomorrow that I will HAVE to get the chainsaw out and see where I can start it to get some wood.

Post 30

…….. What the hell am I supposed to do? Like TAC said, they only help me with personal care and things that affect me directly. What do I do about the wood. I have enough trouble carrying the wood, let alone cutting it. ………

…….. I hate living like this. The house is disgusting. Things have been put almost everywhere and left there. Only because I do not have the energy to put them away. The kids are probably the worst, but how do you explain to a 2yo and a 7yo that it hurts mummy to bend all the time? ……. 7yo tidies up a little bit, but how much can a 7yo do before she is old before her time? This is not fair and I have no right to tell her to help mummy do the housework. That is not her job, it is mine. Hubby tries to maintain the outside without my help, but it is proving hard also. We normally work together and do everything from planting trees, to chopping carrying wood, to refilling the water tanks. We are a team and worked as such. Now that is not possible.

Post 32

Post 1 - The Beginning